Let Them
aka another way to look at things
Hello Loves,
How was your weekend? Mine was very quiet. Enjoying the sunshine and hanging out.
Mel Robbins is a successful author, motivational speaker and podcaster. Her Let Them theory is a guide to stop letting other people’s drama, opinion and judgement run your life. Which is a very good theory indeed.
Today, I would like to talk about another type of Let Them. For years you have been picking up the slack, going out of your way to make life more comfortable for those around you.
And yet, you feel weird when someone wants to do the same for you.
Let them.
It doesn’t make you weak. In fact, allowing someone to do something kind for you gives you the power of making the giver feel seen and appreciated.
If we’re all doing nothing but giving, who’s doing the receiving? Someone has to be on the receiving end. It might as well be you. Take the help. Take the compliment. Let someone make dinner for you without feeling the need to bring anything other than your gorgeous self to the table. Granted, chocolates for the hostess are always nice, but it’s not necessary to bring 3 side dishes and an appetizer to the party, unless asked.
Let them.
Every morning, E makes me a coffee. Am I a coffee aficionado? Nope. But I love letting him take the reins on starting my day off in a lovely way. It makes us both feel happy.
We (ladies, I’m looking at you) are brought up thinking it is our job to make everyone happy - at home and at work. It’s freaking exhausting. If we could tweak our mindset to allow someone to handle a few of those tasks, we wouldn’t have to have 5 jobs. Heck, I remember thinking there was no way I should use AI to help me write a few emails and organize a presentation. When I finally “let them” it was a revelation. I know AI is a topic that pushes buttons, so I’m going to leave that right here. When Kroger came out with home delivery, it was like they hung the moon.
Let them.
I bet women felt like this when convenience foods, dishwashers, washers & dryers and high powered vacuums were introduced. They probably felt guilty about not making everything from scratch and not hanging clothes on a line. My mother disliked cooking. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been for her had there not been things like frozen entrees. I, like many of my peers, love to cook from scratch. Which goes to show that what goes around, comes around.
This week, I have a tiny homework assignment for you. If someone offers to lend a hand, let them. Report back to me how it went. It might feel funny the first time you do it. I promise to do the same. It’s not easy giving up all that emotional control, but I’m betting on us.
Let them.
Remember, you are ENOUGH and always have been. I love you.
xoxo,
Patti
Yes! I learned this last year when I had a near death experience in an ambulance on the way to Coimbra hospital. I had sepsis and multiple organ failure. I was in the hospital for weeks and recovering at home for months. I'm always the giver, but I hardly knew my own name during that time. To make it worse, while I was in the hospital, my father died. I was at the lowest point of my life. Then a truly amazing thing happened and I can't even write about it without crying. Suddenly, people from all over the world who I'd known for five weeks or nearly 70 years were rallying around me. They sent words of encouragement. My children set up at GoFundMe to help with expenses I would have home recovery and to help Craig's transportation costs (about 50 euros per day) for him to come see me at the hospital. It was my night when they told me about the fund and when I woke up, there was over $4000 dollars in it! I called my son and said, "Shut it down! It's enough! Tell them just to send me messages." The money was a blessing but the messages that came with it. "Back in fourth grade when I was the new girl, I was so scared but this pretty little girl came up to me, swooped me into her friend group and made me feel welcome." "When I ran away from home as a teen, you took me in and made me your foster daughter, even though you were so young yourself with a new baby. You taught me what a mother could be and every day of my life I've tried to be like you." On and on it went, washing over me like healing light. And the people on the ground? There was no need, no desire that they did not fulfill. All my Portuguese friends took care of everything and put themselves on rotation so I'd have a visitor every day at the hospital and God help the staff if my friends didn't like the care I was getting. I let them because I had no choice. I had no fight in me. But letting them was a huge lesson for me. Had I been holding off all of these blessings all of these years? "Nope! I've got this, but thanks!" That's what the old me said. The new me alive, well and healthier than ever says, "You know what? That would be amazing. I sure appreciate your help."